Priestess of Avalon

At fall equinox I co-led my first English retreat. Janey Francis, a sister of the international Yogini circle, had invited me to co-create a weekend seminar on Mary Magdalene at Glastonbury which is believed to be the place of former Avalon. What an honor and pleasure!

But things went differently than expected. The retreat itself was outperformed by a very intense inner process that started as soon as I touched British ground: The first sign was a strong cold. As part of our preparations for the retreat, Janey and I went to Chalice Well. There I met a demon who spit me into the face: “YOU DON’T BELONG HERE.” I recognized this demon as a guardian – as did Mary Magdalene in her Gospel of the Beloved Companion. In the next moment I knew: “Of course I do belong.” How could I ever manage to drop out of this vast mystery called life?

Entrance to Chalice Well

Chalice Well

Only a few hours later my moon time started … intensively and way too early. Then I knew that there were some deep processes happening on an energetic level without my mind being able to grasp it. Of course I had to co-hold the space and the frame for the participants of our retreat. And for Saturday evening we had booked the Mary Magdalene Chapel at Glastonbury for our exclusive ceremony.

Janey and I had a lot of time before we were to welcome the women into the chapel. So we sat down for a shared silent meditation to immerse with Mary Magdalene before the actual ceremony. I asked her for information on this intense process that I was going through … and promptly strong feelings arose: reactions to defamation, humiliation, despisement, and expulsion from community: You don’t belong here.

I felt pain, I felt shock … and at the same time a very clear sentence was there causing my body to straighten again: “Look who I am today.” I knew Mary Magdalene was with me.

The ceremony started – Janey and I had prepared and planned everything carefully – we had Mary Magdalene’s blessing. And the holy ceremony really became a memorable experience: We evoked Mary Magdalene’s presence in our circle with our feminine practice. Each one of us had the opportunity to be with Her … on her own … but not alone as we sat in our women’s circle.

During this meditation I asked Mary Magdalene: “Who am I?” Her immediate answer was clear: “You are my priestess and thus Sophia’s priestess.” Oh, how touched I was. A symphony of honor, humility, devotion, and joy overwhelmed me.

Note: Sophia is the name of the creative feminine field,
the dark ground of all being in Mary Magdalene’s tradition.

Oh, yes, and I stood there with my sister priestess of ancient times, in Her chapel, honoring Her, co-leading a ceremony for our circle. “Look who I am today.” And then each woman stepped forward, one by one, speaking her words of dedication at the altar.

That very evening my symptoms eased. Yet I had a retreat to finish! Only in the airplane I had the time for reflexion and integration. I journaled, I drew. And suddenly it wrote through me a few lines that made me shiver and made me understand the initiation I had gone through:

Priestess of Avalon I have once been.
This has ended. I am not bound to this tradition anymore.
I am a free priestess.
I follow my heart and my body
Aligned to Mary Magdalene and Ma Dark Vastness.

Note: Ma Dark Vastness is “my” name for the dark ground of all being
which Mary Magdalene calls Sophia.

Advertisement

Reverence to the Great Goddess Uli

Great Goddess ULI, creatrix
Dark Source of all being
Ancient Mother beyond all times

My parents gave me your name
without knowing you
So I carry your holy name
since the day I was born
I don’t need to find my spiritual name
I just have to realize, recognize, remember it

In some sense I know
that names are not so relevant
yet they link us to a certain vibration
That’s why I come to your to officially declare

I love your dark vastness
I adore your warm loving quality
I feel so safe in the warm dark cave of your heart
I have been connected to your depth all of my life
I love to rest in your heart
I see you as the holy womb of all of creation
I commit my life to your service
I continuously breathe you into these earthly realms
I feel so attracted to you
I dedicate my energy to create a world of humanness
I practice to be a channel of thy will

Great Goddess ULI, creatrix
Dark Source of all being
Ancient Mother beyond all times

I honor you
I worship you
I pray to you

Let me be an effective instrument in your orchestra
Guide me to paths that allow me to serve you the best way
Grant me love, clarity, and sovereignty
to create a world full of humanness

Great Goddess ULI, creatrix
Dark Source of all being
Ancient Mother beyond all times

I bow to you

My Story of Feminine Evolutionary Leadership

I was not born as a radiant leader. Early in my life my grandmother and my mother (my female lineage) recognised the leadership in me: Being the eldest of three kids I was the leader of the tribe – and I needed to become an intelligent leader in my tribe as my two younger silbling are brothers with a strong will, too.

The rest of the world experienced me as a shy girl, an introvert, happy to be alone in the company of a good book. At school I didn’t belong to the “cool clique”, I felt mobbed and frozen out. I learned to be enough with myself. I learned to remain true to myself, not living a lie, just to fit in, but to stay with my truth – although at that time I was not in the position to name it that self-confident way.

During my late teenage years I worked as tutoress. I realized that teaching the content of Latin and maths as well as doing homeworks with the kids was only a minor part of my success. I supported my pupils to build up an inner leadership (concentration, dedication, awareness, organisation, …) which became the foundation for their greater ability to perform at tests.

After difficult teenage years life became easier at university. Only 12 % of the students at Technical Physics were female. So each woman had a tribe of male friends around her. 😉 I realized only later how much I influenced them just by being me in this tribe of mine. I became the trusted member that was chosen to hear life challenges and to be asked for advice.

In my times as a senior student I started to teach tutorials in Mathematical Methods of Theoretical Physics once a week. Standing in front of a huge (mainly male) group of students was – surprisingly – such an easy task for the former shy girl. The main medicine (from my point of view) was the message: “Hey, folks, it’s doable!” I strengthened their confidence by taking away the “heavy sensation” that so often comes with the term alone: Mathematical Methods of Theoretical Physics. 😉

To write my PhD I spend 3 years at CERN and found myself working in the students’ office at Theory Division. I guess you can imagine that most of the time I was the only female student which put me again in a “special” position. Naturally I was in a trusted leadership position – not so much in the field of physics! 😉 – but in all matters of life aside of theoretical physics.

With three other students we founded UNTG club – where UNTG stands for Upstairs Not Too Good! 😉 Our common denominator was that we were able to be happy and smiling despite all worries about PhDs, fellowships, and grades. My dear friend Adrian stated one of the main rules in the club: “Trust Uli!” 😉

  

Well, my time in science came to an end, I changed into the field of business, banking to be straight. I was assigned with the function of a quant – you know, those nerds behind the computer, doing strange calculations that nobody else understands… But soon I found myself in the de-facto position of a project manager, taking a firm stand to implement the result of my computations into a banking software. I had an integrating function – the trusted person all stakeholders could talk to. I was the hub in the middle, reaffirming everybody that they are understood.

Again I changed my job, this time I entered a business consulting company that was currently establishing a new business branch. I didn’t lead the group, instead I brought in my medicine of being able to talk to (and in front of) board members – and to understand their needs and intentions.

My first child interrupted that career and initiated me into a new form of leadership: conscious evolutionary mothering / parenting. Later in my life two more children would join the tribe challenging me to become clearer and clearer on my values, my vision, my motives, my beliefs, and my boundaries. Taking a strong stand against violence and competition (in games, movies, relationships) and for benevolent cooperation was and is a learning-by-doing bootcamp in inner and outer leadership. Managing the physical, psychological, mental, emotional, and spiritual needs of our family is a rewarding, yet challenging experience of leadership! 😉

After the birth of my first son I was initiated into the field of politics. In Austria’s Green party I found a fertile soil for my wish to become part of the solution – and a fertile soil for women to quickly grow into leadership positions. For years I was the chair woman of my party in the local government. What I learned about leadership at that time would fill books! 😉 Let me mention the importance of appropriate communication channels and of mission statements.

After the birth of my second child, my only daughter, I founded my company, weripower. Being self-employed offers me a huge pack of possibilities (freedom, flexibility, following my heart…) as well as a huge pack of responsability (finance, planning, marketing, …). weripower has been an area of growth ever since I founded it! 😉

As a coach I am a compassionate leader through the coaching process, holding a safe space for the coachees to explore their inner realms. As a teacher of workshops and a facilitator of groups I emphasize benevolence and cooperation. The safe space is crucial for group processes – it’s my job to be present with my core values holding the bigger vision for the group.

By a natural process of growth I became the trusted coach and trainer of leaders: entrepreneurs, directors, senior managers. This is the point where I realized how much leadership is in all of us who take a public stand for their core values, who want to be part of the solution, who want to make a difference in the world.

My research in the field of leadership leaves me with the realization that there is a common path to Feminin Evolutionary Leadership:

1. initiation – the soul’s wakeup call
2. inner leadership – how to manage myself, how to root myself in my inner truth
3. purpose – why am I here, dharma, vocation
4. outer leadership – how to inspire action, how to hold a safe space for a team

Moreover I found 9 feminine archetypes showing us the way into Feminin Evolutionary Leadership. But this is a different story for a new article! 😉 If you speak / read German, I am happy to introduce you to those qualities in my article and workshop curriculum!

 

I am here. I am holding space.

Dear Courageous Soul,

I come with my commitment to practice:

I am here. I trust you. I see your greatness. I see your creativity at work to inhabit more and more of your potential and greatness.

I hear your concerns. I hear your laughter, I taste your tears. Your darkness will not shy me away. I stay here, rooted in my commitment to be here. In owning my own darkness I am able to keep my eyes, my mind, my heart wide open when facing your darkness.

I celebrate you and your creativity to find answers to the twists and turns of life. I connect to the infinite being that you are – behind the facades of physical life. I trust that source of yours so deeply. I trust that you walk your path. I feel your commitment to be as useful and effective as possible.

I don’t deny the challenging factors in life. You don’t have to persuade me how heavy life weighs on your shoulders. I sense it. I believe what you say.

And I believe in you. You have all you need to handle this situation in you. I respect your decisions. I trust your innate wisdom. I trust that in every given moment you respond to life in the best way you can. I trust you.

I don’t need to advise you, because I trust your own wisdom. You are an expert of your life.

I listen to what you say – but not to advise you! I listen to you because I know that speaking about one’s situation clarifies it and gives access to new ideas and forgotten resources. I trust you. If you ask me for advice, I will tell you what worked for me in the past in my particular situation while bearing in mind that your situation is different from what I experienced.

When holding space I will invite you to not only speak from your mind, but move deeper into your heart and into your body – to ground your experience in order not to get lost in the mental bubble. I will listen to your words and your body with the intention that you sense yourself again, that you reconnect with yourself, that you see yourself with fresh eyes.

My heart opens up while I tell you this – because I celebrate you and your gifts and your creativity. I celebrate that you walk this planet with us all right now. I celebrate what you want to give to life, to the world, to humanity. I don’t take that for granted.

I celebrate what you are becoming in this very process that you are experiencing right now.

This is my commitment to practice.

With love and admiration,
Uli, your Soul Sister

Body Prayer

My dear body
It took me more than 40 years to finally love you back
I still remember that moment in dance practice on Corfu
When my love for you swept like a wave
Through all of you for the first time

I admit that since then our relationship
Still wasn’t easy and a continous honeymoon
I fell into old patterns of controlling you
Judging you, fixing you, pushing you

Yesterday night lying in bed with you
I felt so completely peaceful and H.O.M.E. in you
No spiritual peak experience, no ecstatic bliss
More a silent and deep recognition of what is

Today I want to consciously set a mark:
I declare with all my heart (which is your heart)
I commit to be
a reliable loving caring respectful partner for you
as you are
a reliable loving loyal devotional partner for me
I deeply honor our life long relationship

May our relationship be a seed of peace in the world
May our relationship be a lighthouse of respect
For my daughter whom you carried inside you for 9 months
May our relationship be a happy living example
How to unhook from mainstream media brain washing
How to unhook from spiritual brain washing
On how a female body should look like and be like

My dear body
I am sorry for every single instance of oppression and hate
Please forgive me for not answering your innocent love
I thank you for your loyal patience all these years
I love you so much – just as you are

My dear body
I am here & you are OK. ❤ ❤ ❤

Honoring the process

On the feminine evolutionary path we follow the longing in our hearts. But: How to deal with disappointment when we don’t see any results?

Dear Courageous Soul,

Results are the focus of masculine practice. The process is the focus of feminine practice.

Honor the path. Bear witness to the process, cherish the unfolding. H.O.N.O.R. all the stages of the process: the openings & closings, the choreography, the ups & downs, the symphony.

Listen to music! There we don’t focus on the end, on the final chord – no, it’s the unfolding, the relations between the chords, the interplay between sound & silence, the dance between loud & quiet. Listening to music is a feminine practice.

In the same way let us cherish our life and our Dharma path. There are bending & curves, bridges & tunnels, open land & foggy forests. There are moments of action & celebration and there are moments of withdrawal & resting.

Let us see through the veils and perceive the Divine Choreography. Let us honor the ways how the Mystery unfolds itself through us. Our longing is
the seed that the Mystery has planted into our hearts so that we humans make use of our hearts & brains, hands & feet and manifest the formless mystery.

Sister, let go of the fruits. ❤ ❤ ❤

In deep honoring,
Uli, your Soul Sister

Sister Arrogance

Sister Arrogance
I see you
carrying your head high
walking with a straight spine
holding your face rigid

You are so wise
I honor your wisdom
your knowledge
your intuition

What is the reason
You feel you need to show everybody
how much better and wiser
you are than anybody else

Why is your wisdom connected to
This hardened heart of yours
Where did you lose the connection
To your innocent heart
What do you fear
What do you want to hide

Sister Arrogance
Let’s walk together for a while
Through the moonlit night
Under the vast dark sky with stars
Let’s breathe and open our heart
To the mystery that surrounds us

How can we find the way
You and I – together
How can we find the way
Back to love and innocence

Do you feel my longing for innocence
For connection to the innocent heart
For connection from heart to heart
For a love that shouts out,
“I cannot not love you.”

Oh, Kali Ma, Kali Ma
Teach me to love
Teach me to love in a way
That I shout out like you,
“I cannot not love you.”

Share this poem on Facebook!

Prayer to Kali Ma

Kali Ma Dark Goddess
Dark Queen of Destruction
So often misunderstood
Loving right to the edge

So often we humans
Misunderstand you and your power
Judge destruction as evil
Banish destruction into the underworld

But then I see
How brutally fellow humans are treated
How hard the heart of many has grown
How ignorant our attitude has become

And I feel that you are the one
Who destroys everything that doesn’t serve love
Who is commited to truth above everything
Who is rooted in pure feminine fierceness

So I consciously invite you in
To annihilate the brutality and make place for compassion
To break open human hearts so love may flow again
To kick our ass to become active aligned with our dharma

Kali Ma Dark Goddess
Dark Queen of Destruction
We need your help to destroy
All that doesn’t serve love

What is Dharma?

Dear Courageous Soul,

You write:

I am exploring the meaning of Dharma. Until now I have associated it with my work in the world, with how I wish to serve humanity, with how I am called to express myself “professionally”. […] In the past two years, my interest and desire and passion for my professional work has nearly disappeared; I often feel wearied by it. […] I would welcome hearing from those who may relate to this experience. I would also like to hear more about how one embraces one’s Dharma when it may not be related to directly being of service in some outer expression.

When I introduce the notion of Dharma, I usually start with the idea of a soul’s plan. Maybe you want to follow me on this Gedankenexperiment: What if the soul makes something like a plan, an intention, a sankalpa for the incarnation to come? This intention, this sankalpa is something like the title of the book of your life. It’s the heading of your life story. This intention, this sankalpa is not only manifested in your professional life – but in every single second of your life.

As far as I experience it, the soul’s plan manifests differently in different life situations or phases. As children we express our soul’s intention differently than as a teenager, as an adult, as an elderly person… but always we have this red thread of our soul’s sankalpa running through our life. And there are phases of our lives when we are students of our Dharma, before we can re-enter the stage of giving our gifts to the world…

So when trying to get hold of this soul’s sankalpa I often ask for flow experiences, as I believe that flow states are experiences when our being is fully aligned with our soul’s intention.

Until my teacher Chameli introduced the notion of Dharma to me, I usually spoke of vocation or one’s soul’s plan. Dharma for me captures this amazing interwovenness of everything, whereas the soul’s sankalpa still feels quite “individualized” to me. Dharma for me points to the fact that no-one and no-thing is separated from anything else. So our soul’s sankalpa is so much connected to all the circumstances of our incarnation. It is no pure coincidence that we live where we live and at that certain time – for me Dharma is an expression of the Divine Choreography of Life. Chameli uses this beautiful metaphor of the tapestry of life where all beautiful Dharma threads are intervowen to the magnificent universe that we live in.

And I am convinced that we can never ever “loose” our Dharma, we can never ever be “off” our Dharma. What we can choose (in my view) is how consciously, how committed, how aligned we want to live our Dharma. But we cannot ever loose it. How should we manage to “fall out” of the Divine Choreography of Life?

So when we are in inbetween-states (this is what I feel when I read your lines) it might be that the expression of our Dharma is changing, is deepening, is becoming even more focussed. I love to bring the metaphor of an onion: All layers belong to the same onion. But whenever we peel off one layer, we come closer to the core of the onion. So maybe you are currently peeling off one layer of your Dharma’s onion…

May your roots grow even deeper into your Dharma. _/|\_
May you blossom even more beautifully into your Dharma! _/|\_

So much love to you, dear Courageous Soul. ❤
Uli, your Soul Sister

More inspirations directly into your inbox:

Prayer to Saraswati – Goddess of Expression, Wisdom, and Freedom

Saraswati Ma, your airy presence of inspiration
Is so dear and familiar to me
I think we have been friends over eaons

And yet you always find ways
To surprise me with new images and words
Your sign today shook me to the core of my bones

Yes, you are right, I feel as naked as
A tree in winter without leaves
No chance to hide behind a green veil of leaves

I feel as exposed as this naked walnut tree
No protection against cold winter winds
Trembling in the bones of her trunk and boughs

And still you ask me to speak and raise my voice
Make myself heard in all this winter nakedness
As if cold winter winds of judgement didn’t exist

Saraswati Ma, grant me with your support
Maybe some mice in the rootstock
Keeping my roots warm and alive
Maybe some squirrels in my trunk’s knotholes
Keeping me connected to the eternal heartbeat
Maybe some blackbirds singing on swinging boughs
Keeping the melody of life in my memory
When giddiness threatens to overwhelm me
When frozeness seems to be the sole reality
When Mother Earth becomes an abstract concept

Hold me, Saraswati Ma, in your love
I am falling, falling, falling

More inspirations directly into your inbox: