Priestess of Avalon

At fall equinox I co-led my first English retreat. Janey Francis, a sister of the international Yogini circle, had invited me to co-create a weekend seminar on Mary Magdalene at Glastonbury which is believed to be the place of former Avalon. What an honor and pleasure!

But things went differently than expected. The retreat itself was outperformed by a very intense inner process that started as soon as I touched British ground: The first sign was a strong cold. As part of our preparations for the retreat, Janey and I went to Chalice Well. There I met a demon who spit me into the face: “YOU DON’T BELONG HERE.” I recognized this demon as a guardian – as did Mary Magdalene in her Gospel of the Beloved Companion. In the next moment I knew: “Of course I do belong.” How could I ever manage to drop out of this vast mystery called life?

Entrance to Chalice Well

Chalice Well

Only a few hours later my moon time started … intensively and way too early. Then I knew that there were some deep processes happening on an energetic level without my mind being able to grasp it. Of course I had to co-hold the space and the frame for the participants of our retreat. And for Saturday evening we had booked the Mary Magdalene Chapel at Glastonbury for our exclusive ceremony.

Janey and I had a lot of time before we were to welcome the women into the chapel. So we sat down for a shared silent meditation to immerse with Mary Magdalene before the actual ceremony. I asked her for information on this intense process that I was going through … and promptly strong feelings arose: reactions to defamation, humiliation, despisement, and expulsion from community: You don’t belong here.

I felt pain, I felt shock … and at the same time a very clear sentence was there causing my body to straighten again: “Look who I am today.” I knew Mary Magdalene was with me.

The ceremony started – Janey and I had prepared and planned everything carefully – we had Mary Magdalene’s blessing. And the holy ceremony really became a memorable experience: We evoked Mary Magdalene’s presence in our circle with our feminine practice. Each one of us had the opportunity to be with Her … on her own … but not alone as we sat in our women’s circle.

During this meditation I asked Mary Magdalene: “Who am I?” Her immediate answer was clear: “You are my priestess and thus Sophia’s priestess.” Oh, how touched I was. A symphony of honor, humility, devotion, and joy overwhelmed me.

Note: Sophia is the name of the creative feminine field,
the dark ground of all being in Mary Magdalene’s tradition.

Oh, yes, and I stood there with my sister priestess of ancient times, in Her chapel, honoring Her, co-leading a ceremony for our circle. “Look who I am today.” And then each woman stepped forward, one by one, speaking her words of dedication at the altar.

That very evening my symptoms eased. Yet I had a retreat to finish! Only in the airplane I had the time for reflexion and integration. I journaled, I drew. And suddenly it wrote through me a few lines that made me shiver and made me understand the initiation I had gone through:

Priestess of Avalon I have once been.
This has ended. I am not bound to this tradition anymore.
I am a free priestess.
I follow my heart and my body
Aligned to Mary Magdalene and Ma Dark Vastness.

Note: Ma Dark Vastness is “my” name for the dark ground of all being
which Mary Magdalene calls Sophia.

Honoring the process

On the feminine evolutionary path we follow the longing in our hearts. But: How to deal with disappointment when we don’t see any results?

Dear Courageous Soul,

Results are the focus of masculine practice. The process is the focus of feminine practice.

Honor the path. Bear witness to the process, cherish the unfolding. H.O.N.O.R. all the stages of the process: the openings & closings, the choreography, the ups & downs, the symphony.

Listen to music! There we don’t focus on the end, on the final chord – no, it’s the unfolding, the relations between the chords, the interplay between sound & silence, the dance between loud & quiet. Listening to music is a feminine practice.

In the same way let us cherish our life and our Dharma path. There are bending & curves, bridges & tunnels, open land & foggy forests. There are moments of action & celebration and there are moments of withdrawal & resting.

Let us see through the veils and perceive the Divine Choreography. Let us honor the ways how the Mystery unfolds itself through us. Our longing is
the seed that the Mystery has planted into our hearts so that we humans make use of our hearts & brains, hands & feet and manifest the formless mystery.

Sister, let go of the fruits. ❤ ❤ ❤

In deep honoring,
Uli, your Soul Sister

There is so much magnificence

Dear Courageous Soul,

Today my heart was sore. Everything felt so wrong. And then I met those two in my garden:

They made me stop in awe. Isn’t that magnificent? Art of nature. Pure beauty!

My body relaxed, my jaw relaxed, my shoulders relaxed. Pause. Breathe. Admire the miracle. Admire beauty. Admire the mystery.

And then I let my awareness drop into my body. Come back home. Become aware of the mystery that I am.

The split vanished for some moments. Separation truly became an illusion. Resting in Divine Presence.

And then life went on. With its ups and downs. With its contractions and expansions. With its darkness and light. That’s how life is.

What makes you slip into the masterpiece? What reminds you of the Mystery of Existence? What brings you back home?

With love,
Uli – your Soul Sister

More inspirations directly into your inbox:

 

I have a dream

I dream of a world in which all beings walk their path full of confidence.

That’s why I follow my longing to bring people closer to the mystery of their existence: Each and every person brings in an amazing contribution to evolution with her / his uniqueness – day by day, in the large scale as in the small scale.

My work aims to make people aware of their contribution to the success of the world. In this way they perceive meaning in their life and experience appreciation. They feel empowered, they blossom! 🙂 🙂 🙂

Proud of You

Dear Courageous Soul,

Last night your darkest shadow showed up. In tears you tell me how dark you feel, how bad, how completly wrong.

I smile at you and tell you that I am so proud of you.

What a break through! You were able to contain and embody your deepest fear, your darkest shadow, your most feared aspect. And you are conscious of it!

Yes, I know this immense shame that shows up “the day after”. I love you for your shadow and your shame. Your shame tells me that you want to bring to the world the complete opposite of what you did yesterday. It shows me your huge intention to be of service for a better world.

The fact that your deepest shadow showed up tells me that you are able to contain strong strong energies. It tells me that you are willing to go for the real deal and to grow into the biggest version of you. It tells me that you have freed up the energy that had been bound by this shadow. It tells me that you are ready to take the next powerful step in your life.

May you see that you are perfect as you are. May you feel “right” with your darkest as well as your most shining parts. This is how Life wants to express itself through you. Yesterday you didn’t hesitate to be of service to the collective to embody this shadow that no-one wants to see or feel or express. You volunteered to express it, to be a channel for this energy that is so often denied and closed into the underworld.

I am proud of you. I am grateful that you did this job. I bow to you that you brought awareness and consciousness to the human shadow.

You are truly a courageous soul. The world needs more of your kind.

I am so proud of you.
Uli – your soul sister

Innocence

Dear Courageous Soul,

The Innocence in me sees the Innocence in you.

No matter how hard we all try to protect our innocent and vulnerable core behind thick clothes or walls, this beautiful loving essence continues to shine brightly. These True Colors are who we really are at the core of our being.

We have so many good reasons that make us think or feel that we have to protect ourselves and our innocence. We have all made our experiences that made us believe that it is not safe to live from this place of innocence deep down in us.

Our Innocence is nothing we need to overcome, deny, or hide away. Our Innocence is a pure source of joyfulness and trust. In this place we feel interconnected, we feel being met by the benevolent presence of Life. In this place failure and separation don’t exist – not even the notion of it. In this place we are completely immersed in our dharma, in our true being – we feel one with the Mystery of Life.

Feel into your own inner depth – right now. Can you feel this innocent loving part in you? Smiling at the Mystery of Life in awe and wonder – and at the same time with such an intrinsic sense of being “right”. All is well, this is a friendly mystery.

About a year ago I promised myself that I would cherish my Innocence and live my life from this place of Innocence. I admit that I don’t manage every day, but I have my reminders and stay rooted in this intention. I return to my Innocence consciously. I invite you to join me in this practice. If living from the place of Innocence within became a movement, a human attitude, a human pattern, oh, how much easier and simpler life would be! Trusting, loving, connected, playful, … aligned with the Mystery of Life.

The Innocence in me sees the Innocence in you.

Uli, your soul sister

Silence and Growth

Dear Courageous Soul,

There are these days when you draw back into your own being. Life energy is directed to inward matters. On the outside you become silent, very silent.

But on the inside a whole world appears. Your system is flooded by fireworks of associations and interrelations. Aha experiences occur, pictures take form. What a rich time! Growth is happening.

Usually we overlook this precious time of development and increasing awareness. People ask us: “Everything OK? You’re so silent and withdrawn.” But you just don’t have the words to describe the precious new wisdom just sprouting into your being.

When you recognize yourself as inseparable part of the vast Mystery of Life, all these “intense times” become time of apprenticeship. Insights (cognitive, emotional, mental, spiritual, …) are sparks of increased awareness and consciousness. Your horizon widens.

You are on your path of dharma. You get the lesson. You celebrate Life. You bow to the Beauty of all-that-is. I celebrate you, precious soul. I am so happy to walk this planet with you! ❤ ❤

Connected in the vast Mystery of Life,
Uli, your soul sister

Love, oh Love

There are days when I “see” that literally everything is made out of Love.

Work is love made visible. (Khalil Gibran)

For win-win-situations this is easy to see. And there are cases when Love takes an ugly, dirty, scary mask. But behind this mask Love is at work.

The fundamental Love holding the whole universe is not always pink, glittery, shiny, and radiant – as we often anticipate that an enlightened state of being would look like. Love can be found in the messy, contracted, and even hard life.

So when I start doubting this fundamental Love and its existence, I take a step out, I lean back for a few moments. I focus on how could Love make itself visible in this very situation? What or whom does this person love – what could be the motivation for her or his behavior?

The art is to stay as open as possible regarding the answers. It could be love for oneself. It could be love for one’s child. It could be love for power. It could be love for one’s dead grandparents. It could be love for money. It could be love for disregarded groups of our society. It could be love for one’s own life. It could be love for an abstract principle. It could be love for a good life. It could be love for the orang-utans in the rainforest. It could be love for music. It could be love for something completely different.

The second ingredient of art is to refrain from judging this motivation, instead to stay focussed on Love: see Love working through us, watch how Love manifests itself here and there, again and again, everywhere and always. The art is to keep our eyes on Love.

What an amazing spiritual practice it is to witness Love at work expressing itself as Life.

~ This is dedicated to Sonja, Rose, and Monika. ~

Your dharma is your uniqueness

The word dharma points to what is often called the cosmic order. It does not mean that you are a puppet on a string carrying out some plan made up by some higher being.

This term rather wants to remind us that we are inseparable from the invisible mystery that holds all-that-is. You and me and every form – we all are embodiments of the vast consciousness striving to birth itself over and over again. Your dharma is your “role” in the Divine Choreography of Life, your spice, your flavor, your uniqueness, your thread, your specific vibration, your fingerprint, your unique set of qualities, your medicine, your gift.

There are so many words we use to (try to) describe this ineffable unique quality of our being. They all show us the way to our own divine nature, our interconnectedness with all-that-is.

Rather than making up the meaning of our lives, we could ask the Mystery of Life: How do you want to express yourself through me today? How do you want to use my unique flavor for the good of all beings? What song do you want to play on the instrument that I am?

This is where you are

Once we commit to consciously and fully live our dharma, life changes. We feel full of energy, motivation, enthusiasm, love, esprit, joy, freedom, … But still it is a human life. “After expansion contraction will come.” (Chameli Ardagh) I promise you: There will be days where you might feel stressed, overwhelmed, unmotivated, tired, full of doubt, fearful, sad, …

Whatever you feel: This is where you are RIGHT NOW. This is where you are to live your dharma RIGHT NOW. This is the place from where you’ll take the next step RIGHT NOW. Yes, we prefer to feel good and expanded instead of stuck and shrunk. But this is our decision. Every situation, every thought, every feeling is holy in the Divine Eyes.

On days when you feel expanded, you probably won’t read these lines, because you are in the flow anyway! 🙂

On days when you feel contracted: What if you’d lean back for a moment, let go of all concepts of how-it-should-be and adore the mystery that you are alive? Let yourself be taken away by the miracle that the sun shines (even tough it might be hidden behind clouds). Find a way to acknowledge the miracle of how your body works. Isn’t it amazing that those fingers can move, that you can feel the breeze on your skin, that your eyes read these words, that your heart beats? Isn’t it amazing that the Earth moves? Isn’t it astounding and mind-blowing that the Universe exists?

“After contraction expansion will come.” (Chameli Ardagh) I promise you: There will be days where you are in the flow again, where you feel deeply aligned with the Divine Choreography of Life, where you feel like flying.

It is up to us to let go of the resistance and align ourselves with the Flow of Life.